Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
