The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
