if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Randomize
