I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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