sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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