I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
