worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
