We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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