i was born a porn star she said
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
