Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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