I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Someone came in the potted fern
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
