no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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