There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
