I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
