I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Randomize
