Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
