Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
