i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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