Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
