youre lurking in front of me
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
We smell like vodka and hangover
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize