The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
