apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
