I'm gonna have a badass scar
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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