I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
