Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
In America we eat man semen.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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