the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
