guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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