In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
