What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Buhtt sex?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
