I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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