hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
