Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Randomize
