how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
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