Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
