from now on my penis is your penis
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
