So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
