Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize