You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
