I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
