If i come over, it means nothing
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
it was like eating out sand paper
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
