and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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