my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
