this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
