I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
