girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
