She's JV to your varsity
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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