In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
