I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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