sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
