I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
