OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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