Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize