I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
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