Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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