Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
