put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
