I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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