After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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