just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I can't turn off my feet"
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
