I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
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