he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
