people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I can't turn off my feet"
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
