Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
