handjob tips. give me some.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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