Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
