I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
