Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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