id be glad to
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
