someone owes me an orgasm
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
