we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
