i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
