apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
