McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
