why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
