My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
im having a threesome with these popsicles
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
