Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Terrible idea I love it
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
