We won't sleep together?
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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