HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
