life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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