when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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