Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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