she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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