I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
